Susie Rinehart

Walking through the airport alone in Guadalajara, I feel lost. My Spanish is rusty; I think I just promised a taxi driver 5,000 pesos for a ride, when I meant to say 500. I am off balance. I’ve come to Mexico alone to clean out Mom’s place after she passed away in June. My brothers are busy caring for my dad, stepmom, and Mom’s other affairs. So I asked my husband Kurt if he would… Read more

This year, colleges are asking a question on applications that I’ve only rarely encountered before in my work as a College Admissions Coach:  “Describe a time when you strongly disagreed with someone about an idea or an issue.” (Harvard)  Describe a time when you engaged others in meaningful dialogue around an issue that was important to you. Did this exchange create change, new perspectives, or deeper relationships?” (George Washington U) “Please cite a specific conversation… Read more

Dear Brave Ones, I was visiting Mom in Toronto last week. We decided to celebrate Mother’s Day early. My childhood best friend, Natasha, came with her mom, Judy, and the four of us shared tea and cake and stories. I wrote down some of my favorite memories of Mom and read them aloud to her. I thought she might brush them aside. Instead, what happened surprised me. I read the first sentence, and that sparked… Read more

A prose-poem for you on Earth Day… The morning smells delicious, of dirt and last night’s rain – I dream of abundance, draw a map  on the back of an envelope: tomatoes, basil, garlic here, potatoes, peppers, peas there, Oh, the food we can grow! Each spring, I have high hopes for gardening. I forget my tendency to kill plants – to let them go unprotected  from deer, rabbits, and the dry, relentless heat. I… Read more

A winter storm came through Colorado last week. Four feet of snow fell in 48 hours in the little town of Nederland, just thirty miles from where I live. Many rushed away from the mountains, trying to get to low ground before they closed roads and lost power. We rushed toward the storm. Kurt and I thought that if we went to the mountains, we could be some of the first people at Eldora Ski… Read more

What do Willie Nelson and the Dalai Lama have to do with 2024? February has been one of the toughest months on record, personally. The year of the Dragon came in breathing fire and smoke all over the people I love. I won’t go into detail, but just know that it has something to do with the state of our world, my aging parents (and how much I dislike that inescapable truth), and my daughter… Read more

Five minutes after choosing Possibility as my word for January 2024, I had the most negative temper tantrum because everything felt impossible. The feeling began when I woke up and it was -9F (-22C), the dog refused to go out, Kurt was sick, my nerve pain had returned in my leg, and there was no milk in the house. I wrote 2025 in my journal, as if some part of me knew it was best… Read more

Saturday morning, I wore black to speak at an 18-year-old’s funeral. In the evening, I put on a pink jumpsuit to attend a birthday party. This day of opposites captures what 2023 has felt like: a year of contrasts. In the words of my former boss and mentor, Rick Ridgeway, “There is no life without death. Spend a lot of time in Nature and you carry that truth deep in your bones.” At the service,… Read more

This blog is about coping with uncertainty. Recently, someone asked, “How do you do it? You’re so good at facing the unknown.” And I laughed because I don’t feel good at it. I much prefer to hold the steering wheel and the GPS. But I am getting better at handling uncertainty. Here’s how: #1. I get angry. When I stare into the dark of what may happen with this surgery or what may happen to my… Read more

We must let go of the life we have planned to accept the one that is waiting for us. –Joseph Campbell I need another, smaller surgery. I’ve had intense sciatic pain for a few months (part of the reason why I haven’t been writing). I’m so grateful to be under close watch because the doctors found the culprit: a small blip on my lower spine (L5/S1) which they think dripped down from the original tumor.… Read more

My mom is visiting on her annual migration from Mexico to Toronto, by way of Colorado. She lives six months of the year outside Guadalajara, six months in Toronto. Many might think it’s dangerous to live alone, in Mexico, as a single woman in her eighties, but she brushes off their concerns. “People underestimate the people of Mexico. And me.” To Mom, life is meant to be lived as an adventure, full of discovery and… Read more

I’m playing with the idea of let loose instead of let go. Here’s what I mean. To let go completely is too much pressure. But to let loose is bite-sized, doable, a step forward in the right direction. I want to let go of control. I’ve been gripping too tightly to things not working out the way I want them to lately and it’s making me suffer. The Brave over Perfect move this week is… Read more

Our son Cole is alone on a gap year in Guatemala. Recently, we visited him and hiked a volcano. The plan was to climb up dormant Volcán Acatenango, spend the night, and watch active Volcán Fuego’s strombolian eruptions in the dark.  Before the trip, the anticipation of all the unknowns kept me up at night. Fear flared and ruptured my sleep. Will we make it? What if I did all that work to heal only… Read more

Sometimes the world feels like a big ball of poop and I am the dung beetle, pushing it uphill and backwards, blind to where I am going. Do you know what I mean?  This act of staying alive is hard work and yet the hill keeps getting steeper with the Delta variant raging, wildfires multiplying, and humans screaming at each other over wearing masks. There is no immediate cure, and the challenge continues. I felt… Read more

Dear Cole, I’m writing you from our front porch, on the eve of your high school graduation.  Life is not easy. You know that. You have lived that. It’s not about building a life that is easy–without pain or confusion–it’s about living life fully, completely, and compassionately. I know you can do that because you already have. You have backbone in you now that will never leave you. You just have to talk to your… Read more

Are you up for a 21-Day Poetry for Peace (of Mind) Challenge? It’s one way to celebrate April as Poetry Month! When I was in the hospital and could not speak, I recited poetry to myself. After a 36-hour surgery to remove a tumor on my brainstem, I couldn’t read or write. I couldn’t even watch TV because it was too much stimulus. The only thing I could do was recite lines of poetry. The… Read more

Waiting is not my forté. Though I’ve gotten much better at it. I’ll show you how. I am waiting for scan test results (every 3 months I have routine scans to watch for tumor activity), Cole is waiting to hear back from colleges, Hazel is waiting for a package she ordered, Leo is waiting to go for a walk, and Kurt is waiting for all of us to be a little less anxious and cranky… Read more

We have COVID. Or had COVID (we just ended our quarantine). Kurt tested positive first. We locked him in the basement; the kids left food and water outside his door, wearing two masks and gloves. I disinfected the entire house and sat outside in three pairs of long underwear, thinking. The virus we feared for ten months was suddenly in our home. As one friend put it, it was like being at the moment of… Read more

How about Amanda Gorman in her bright yellow coat reciting “The Hill We Climb” at President Biden’s Inauguration? She made me rise to my feet in hope and ovation. Wasn’t she fantastic? I’m biased, of course. I’ve been following her for a while now because my brilliant friend Katherine told me to, and because poetry is my love language. Plus, on Inauguration Day, Gorman used the words brave AND fierce and breathed joy into a moment where we held… Read more

These times demand Next-Level Resilience. “I feel like I’ve been holding my breath for months,” a client tells me. She is exhausted, but wakes in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep. She works all day and makes progress. “But then I lose sleep because I’m not doing enough.” I know those thoughts too well. Why am I not doing more to end racism or just get through my to-do list?… Read more

If wonder is the precursor to joy, how can we help each other kindle moments of wonder? Can we give our dearest ones gifts or moments that foster curiosity, creativity, and astonishment? When we practice pursuing wonder, we can find joy. The goal is to get out of our heads and grown-up thinking, and into our child bodies. Wonder requires zero talent or skill. Have you ever been in a hot tub or sauna and… Read more

It began with the fires. Then it continued because Covid-19 continues. Then anxiety around my scans added a level of intensity to the exercise. I am talking about “Döstädning” or Swedish Death Cleaning. Have you heard of it?  I’ve purged my stuff before, following Marie Kondo’s advice to keep only objects that “spark joy.” But it often seems more complicated. What if the object sparks nostalgia? Or gratitude? Or is part of my identity? Maybe… Read more

I wake in the middle of the night, feeling lost and anxious, and ask Kurt, “Do we know the election results?” “No, not yet.” I can’t sleep anymore. I get up and put on the kettle for tea. Our teenage daughter, Hazel, can’t sleep either. At dawn, she wraps herself in a blanket and comes to the kitchen. She pours a bowl of cereal and makes me one too. I sit next to her and… Read more

My clients tell me they are exhausted, anxious, and overwhelmed. One powerful woman said, “Remember last year when I was handling three crises and some uncertainty and I thought it was a lot? Those days seem dreamy now.” She was talking about managing big helpless feelings about the election, but also about climate change, four nearby fires, systemic racism, her kids growing up, early menopause, work stress, loss of income, and loss of loved ones.… Read more

Yesterday I was so tired I fell asleep on the cement walkway to our house. I woke up to the postal carrier tiptoeing around me to the mailslot. She did not freak out about me lying there on the ground. She said, “Oh hon. I know. Can I curl up and rest with you in the sunshine?”  That was my Delight #57. I have been tracking delights, inspired by the poet, Ross Gay. I am… Read more

I used to run marathons and ultramarathons for kicks because I loved the feeling at the end that comes from knowing we are capable of far more than we think. But to get to the finish line in an ultramarathon, you can only run five minutes at a time. You don’t think about the next 30 or more miles because it’s too much. You go into overwhelm; your mind spins and your body rebels. To… Read more

At twelve I had a crush on the Marlboro man– rugged, self-reliant, riding in his dusty cloak, lone hero of the American west, protector of our freedom. I thought I needed a cowboy to rescue me from bad guys and Indians.   I should have let it go when he died of lung cancer, but I didn’t look deep enough, didn’t see beyond the billboard bullshit.   Years later, I drive with my family on… Read more

Breathe All morning I’ve been thinking about the beauty of a breath, a child’s body breathing as she falls asleep, a sweetheart breathing next to us in bed, a tree breathing in carbon dioxide and giving us oxygen in an ancient, astonishing exchange, my own lungs giving and receiving without me having to do anything.   Meanwhile, a radiologist tells me  to take a breath in, hold it, release, as he scans my chest for… Read more

Boulder, CO Elected Officials June 11, 2020 Act local and make real change. It took me too long to find out who my elected officials were last year, my first year to vote in the USA as a brand new citizen. I made this quick reference guide for those of you living in Boulder, CO in 2020. For those of you outside Boulder, the best resource I found for searching for elected officials AT EVERY… Read more

I’m listening and learning to Black leaders. One gem I found recently is this: Angela Davis(told a crowd at UPenn in 2010) “Activists in America in the late 1960s were saying, “Power to the People!” while activists in France were saying, “Power to the Imagination!”  It’s so important to use our imaginations to create the future we want for our children. Watch this 3 min video clip from Angela Davis: How Does Change Happen? Read more

Today I discovered how freeing it can be to write down all the ways in which I do not have to be good. These are stressful times and yet we don’t give ourselves permission to do less without feeling guilty. We imagine that everyone else is productive and creative and bringing healthcare workers meals and saving deportees at the border. We think we are the only ones who are struggling to get dressed or have… Read more

Starting April 1, I’m running a 30-day journaling challenge that I’m calling The Resilience Journals. I am doing this because I am used to being in isolation. I had to separate myself after major surgery, and after chemo and radiation.  What sustained me then and now is keeping a journal. Any act of creativity works, but journaling is simple, and doesn’t require a lot of space or time. Journaling untangles my knots. It wakes me… Read more

Where is there room for brave over perfect and joy over fear in a pandemic?  To get through this, we need to get serious about two things: containing the disease and containing our fear about the disease.  If we can learn to be more comfortable in the unknown and master the skill of managing our fears and our expectations, we can make decisions easier, pivot faster, and feel calmer. Happiness “doesn’t depend on how things… Read more

An ode to girlfriends after a weekend with these beauties. I met Natasha as a toddler, then in 1983, we both met Teza, Alli, and Jill (not pictured) in middle school. We were twelve-year-old girls who didn’t yet know the words, “You can’t do that.” We have been there for each other ever since, making sure we never believe those words. We were there when braces came off, when hearts were broken, when friends died,… Read more

Here’s to the 10 brilliant, brave women who came to reset and refresh in my home this January. We found calm in the midst of chaos, uncovered what we desire, learned to say No, and wrote a letter to Fear so it can’t derail our clear vision in 2020. My chair broke as I was explaining how to let go of things we cannot control!  #braveoverperfect If you want to write your own letter to… Read more

Have you ever noticed that we get to the end of a year and immediately race ahead to the next year, making goals and adding things to our plate? Our culture is hooked on New Year’s resolutions and improving ourselves. So we have to help each other Pause. Reflect. and Celebrate. Let’s focus on Look how far we’ve come, rather than Look how much we haven’t gotten done!  Remember: we can’t keep adding goals without… Read more

This week we received the heartbreaking news that our son’s best friend, Joaquin, a 16-year-old boy, is not cured of cancer. It has come back. It’s been less than a year since he finished treatments.  The ground fell away. Rage stirred inside me. I was angry that this disease isn’t gone from his young body. Had he not endured enough? I was also angry that the disease isn’t gone from my body. This recurrence brought… Read more

Have you ever thought about the beauty of the word sometimes?  Sometimes is a great word. It’s so much more honest than always or never.  I know this because black-or-white thinking is one of my not-so-super superpowers. “So & So is an asshole.” “I’m a total success.” “I’m a complete failure.” It seems like extreme thinking is a teenager’s superpower too. Just last night, I overheard the following examples from our teenagers at home, “I… Read more

This is Kurt, Susie’s husband. The surgery is postponed indefinitely. This comes as a huge surprise to all of us. Today Susie underwent a surgical procedure to do high-resolution mapping of the blood vessels in her neck. We had a similar procedure done in CO but the facilities here are much more powerful, so the surgeon wanted to repeat it here to help plan the operation. Today’s results indicated that surgery is not advisable at… Read more

Doesn’t it seem like everyone has more challenges lately? Our thirteen-year-old daughter thinks so. She says she has no one to sit with at lunch. She wishes she knew exactly what to say to get the other kids to like her. And I feel her pain. I remember those days. Can’t we fast-forward middle school for her? Can’t we shortcut her suffering and get right to the learning? There is no shortcut. Suffering is the… Read more

When I first heard the news of Jennifer Ridgeway’s passing, I went to the garden, to be surrounded by sunflowers, marigolds, and cosmos. As a river of memories rolled by, I heard a whirring sound and looked up. I noticed that I was not alone. More than a dozen dragonflies floated above me and the flowers. In almost every culture, dragonflies are a sign of change and transformation.  The dragonflies’ liquid-blue bodies flew in a… Read more

Inspiring new memoir details reality of living through devastating tumour diagnosis Read more

In July, while I was on my Surrender Experiment, there were too many layers of uncertainty for me to handle with grace. Kurt was out of work and the kids were out of contact (at wilderness camp). Also, I was promoting the book with uncertain results, and I was waiting to hear if I’d made it into a clinical trial. Meanwhile, refugee children were being detained at the border in unspeakable conditions.  I felt way… Read more

To surrender, I have to release my grip on the steering wheel of life. For thirty days, I’m practicing letting go and trusting life. Want to join me? We can start now, during this full moon, and go until the next full moon in August. I call it “The Surrender Experiment” after Michael Singer’s book by the same name.  The idea was born when I woke up angry one morning because nothing was going my… Read more

I had always heard that book tours were exciting, but exhausting. I wasn’t sure I was up for it. But it was important to thank our friends, living all across the country, for their encouragement and support on this journey. Determined to create a tour that gave me energy rather than deplete it, I made 3 golden rules. #1 Prioritize Joy.  Inspired by our musician friend Gideon Irving who performs in homes instead of bars, I decided… Read more

So many helping hands created the most magical night of my life. Thank you. We raised funds for MAIA and we danced until the next morning. Watch this 4 min video by Hudson Ratzlaff  Read more

“How do we banish the idea that we have to be perfect before we begin?” –from Fierce Joy My memoir, Fierce Joy is now available!  It is everything I know about bravery as a woman, a partner, a parent, a leader, an athlete, an activist, and a brainstem tumor survivor. Reviewers say it’s fast-paced and beautiful and funny. I say, don’t forget that it’s a love story! This is the memoir I’ve been working on in the… Read more

“Build a community that celebrates progress, not perfectionism. Ask yourself, then your colleagues and friends, “Where did you make progress today?” instead of “What did you get done today?” … Celebrate persistence, vulnerability, and contributions to the common good, not merely accomplishments.” –from Fierce Joy My memoir, Fierce Joy is now available!  It is everything I know about bravery as a woman, a partner, a parent, a leader, an athlete, an activist, and a brainstem… Read more

“There is nothing benign about believing we have to earn our value on the planet. The opposite of joy is not sadness; it’s perfectionism. I don’t mean the have-to-have-your-nails-done-to-go-to-the-store kind of perfectionism. What concerns me is the kind of perfectionism that says, “I’m so sure I’m going to be terrible, I won’t even try.” –from Fierce Joy My memoir, Fierce Joy is now available!  It is everything I know about bravery as a woman, a… Read more

I’m going to be in NYC from May 29-June 2, Boston from June 2-5 and Toronto from July 26-30! Do you want to connect? I’d love to come and share all things Fierce Joy with you! What are the call letters of your favorite public radio station? Can you please share the name of a radio show that talks about happiness, wellness, or health? Are there any bookstores or cancer centers where I can read… Read more

While in the bay area, I was lucky enough to do a writing workshop with the great Anne Lamott (Bird by Bird, Operating Instructions…) Here are her 10 lessons on writing: Write badly for 20 min every day Nobody cares if you write another word. So YOU have to care Get a partner to read 4 pages every month. “A partner is like a birth coach.” Write what you love to come upon: Memoir? Fiction?… Read more

Your friend is in a really hard place. It could be heartbreak, a cancer diagnosis, a betrayal, a child is sick, a parent is dying, a legal mess, or they made a painful mistake. Whatever the reason, it is causing deep suffering. What do you do? When I received a terminal diagnosis, my family and friends pulled me through the unimaginable. Every person’s journey is different, but what all crises have in common is that… Read more

What was the definition of perfect when you grew up? As in, how were you supposed to be? Tell me about a time when you chose brave instead. My forthcoming memoir, Fierce Joy is everything I know about bravery as a woman, a partner, a parent, a leader, an athlete, an activist, and a brainstem tumor survivor. My editors say it’s fast-paced and beautiful and funny. I say, don’t forget that it’s a love story. This is… Read more

Somewhere hidden in the pages of Fierce Joy is a description of my homemade Gratitude Goddess. She holds the key to you winning some great prizes! What does my Gratitude Goddess hold in her four hands? If you pre-order the book, you’ll have a head start at finding her and figuring it out! When you answer this question on my website, you automatically enter to win great prizes. My forthcoming memoir, Fierce Joy is everything I know… Read more

“Usually, when the topic of using your voice is mentioned, it’s about permission. I feel lucky to be born in a time and place where I am free to speak out. But that doesn’t mean I have always known how to find my voice and how to use it to author my life. For too long, my voice has said what I think a good leader, a good wife, and a good mother should say.… Read more

“What I’ve seen around the world is that once girls discover that their body is theirs, and that their voice is uniquely theirs, they speak up for their rights…When we teach vocal empowerment in Guatemala, the girls are thirteen. They don’t have a sense that their voice, or any part of their body, belongs to them. They don’t look up, and their voices barely rise above a whisper. But when they learn to use their… Read more

May is officially the month of Joy. I declare it. I’m even gonna change my name to Susie Wonder for the month, maybe forever. It just makes me happy. Do what makes you happy. This is our only chance to be alive as a human being with language, and with a voice… I learned this the hard way when brain surgery took my speaking voice for 4 months. I don’t want you to have to… Read more

I always wanted to be a writer. At 16, I wrote poems in hardcover journals. Then I shared my poetry with a boy I cared about. I hoped he would be kind. I thought, Maybe he’ll fall in love with me because of my words. Instead, he wrote in the margins of one of my poems, “If there is an original idea here, I can’t find it.” I stopped writing. I slid my hardcover journals… Read more

A life of comparing and competing has consequences. Instead of making us stronger, it can cause us to feel anxious. Take the long view; trust that you are exactly where you need to be now, becoming who you are meant to be, at your own pace. —Susie Rinehart, Fierce Joy This content appears in my forthcoming memoir, Fierce Joy.  It is everything I know about bravery as a woman, a partner, a parent, a leader, an athlete,… Read more

The Opposite of Joy is Perfectionism We are born with only two fears: the fear of falling and of loud noises. As we grow, our fears grow too. We worry about what we might lose, instead of what we might gain. We don’t think of ourselves as perfectionists, but we’re scared to try things that don’t guarantee us a positive outcome. As Brené Brown writes in Dare to Lead, “Healthy striving is self-focused. How can… Read more

I hope you enjoy this short video about why I wrote Fierce Joy. It also describes the hidden treasure that leads to prizes for you! If you’ve already embarked on the treasure hunt, you can submit your answer here. Fierce Joy is everything I know about bravery as a woman, a partner, a parent, a leader, an athlete, an activist, and a brainstem tumor survivor. My editors say it’s fast-paced and beautiful and funny. I… Read more

I believe that we are capable of so much more than we think. But we’re scared as sh** sometimes. Fear is just part of the process of doing something new. We need to feel it, drop stories attached to it, and step through it. —Susie Rinehart, Fierce Joy This content appears in my forthcoming memoir, Fierce Joy.  It is everything I know about bravery as a woman, a partner, a parent, a leader, an athlete, an activist,… Read more

We’re in the beginning phases of planning my Gratitude Book Launch tour and need your help! I’ll be in the Bay Area May 8-12, New York May 29-June 2 and Boston June 3-5. Can any of my amazing friends or followers help me secure public venues for a reading or speaking gig? Think out of the box and BEYOND bookstores (as they seem to be all booked solid). If you have an in or ideas… Read more

Dear Daughter, You are ten years old as I write this letter, meant for you to read as a young woman. This is your map to self. This is your map to safety. At ten, you talk to flowers, pose questions to the moon, go on brave adventures, and make up songs. Your lyrics are often about finding your way. When you are lost, unfold this letter and find yourself. Find me, too, holding your… Read more

High winds, full moon, pen and poetry in hand, we head out. It’s the only way I know to honor the poet who gave me a deep love of all seasons. So that’s just what my friend Emma and I do. Long ago, I was Emma’s English teacher, introducing her to the poet, Mary Oliver, who passed on January 17th. I taught my students her poems because I wanted them to go forward knowing “You… Read more

We pray for clarity, do juice cleanses for it, and beat ourselves up over our lack of it. We feel the pressure for clarity this time of year when everyone is making goals and shedding bad habits. We act as if clarity is a thing that we cannot move forward without, like a car engine or, shoes. But clarity is not a thing; it’s a process. When a friend asks about your plans for the… Read more

I need to be at two recitals and a holiday event right now. I have stress about time, money, and not having enough of either. I am driving too fast to one of the recitals, trying to “win” a traffic jam by changing lanes a lot. My holiday spirit can quickly spiral into holiday stress. The world tells us to do it all, buy it all, and be it all for everyone. We want to… Read more

Before, my secret way to write was to procrastinate forever then to work in frantic, uneven bursts; I insisted that I needed big chunks of time and a clean desk in order to write. I thought it was the only way to be inspired, and to find flow. But since my surgeries, I have a fraction of the energy I used to have. If I was going to write a book and start a business,… Read more

If you’ve come to help me, don’t waste your time. But if you know your liberation is bound up with mine, then let’s work together. I believe in the truth of this message from indigenous activist, Lilla Watson. My work with Her Infinite Impact has made me braver, happier, and more resilient. This is the one post I will write a year to encourage you to invest in the empowerment and education of girls globally through Starfish; Her Infinite Impact.… Read more

Today, I headed to the nearest ditch with water in it and a bag of stale bread. I asked, What do I want to let go of from last year? What do I need to do differently, if anything, to be my true self? Then I tossed the bread into the flow, naming each crumb after behaviors I’d rather not repeat this year: worrying, doubting, hustling, yelling, judging, hesitating, playing small…This is a tradition I… Read more

I am thrilled to share my recent talk from TEDx Boulder in June. Grab some popcorn for an 8 min ride! I always do something scary for my birthday, but usually it involves running a race over high mountain passes. This time, the mountain I had to climb was facing my fears and 1,500+ people, to tell my story. I never expected what happened. The energy that night was so incredible and positive that I want… Read more

Why was I so nervous? I hadn’t been a terrible person or horrible student in college. But I couldn’t shake the worry about returning to my small college in New England for our twenty-fifth-year reunion. Maybe the doubt came from shouldering all the insecurities of my twenty-year old self PLUS the new ones of my middle-aged self. Did I belong? Had I achieved enough? Will I look wrinkly and tired? Maybe it was because twenty-five years ago, I… Read more

We’ve spent hours making piles of clothes, books, and things in the house. The piles represent the stuff we want to toss, give away, or keep. Spring is the season of decluttering. While I don’t love the mess, I love the feeling when it’s done; I feel more relaxed, clear, and joyful when there is less stuff to cloud my view. A friend of mine is also doing a detox to clean out winter’s heavy wine… Read more

We sat side by side on our couch, enthusiastically cheering for opposite teams during the gold medal Women’s hockey game. I was screaming at the Canadian women, “Set up and SCORE!” My husband, Kurt, was chanting “USA! USA!” I am competitive. I am also Canadian, born and raised in Toronto. My husband is American, born and raised in Des Moines. Neither of us likes to lose. But for some reason, his rooting for a different… Read more

When I think about the future, it’s tempting to think we’re going to hell in a handbasket. But I’d be wrong. There are innumerable ways to make the world better. One is to start the day with a morning routine that asks a powerful question. Humans have always felt that the good days are behind them and the times they are living in must be the worst. Ask the mothers of the middle ages when… Read more

I am a big fan of mystery and magic. I want our children to grow up unafraid of the unknown, even relishing it. When my daughter asked me to write a murder mystery birthday party for 12 of her closest friends, I responded too quickly, “Of course!” Here is a brave over perfect opportunity! I’ve never written a murder mystery. I’ve never been to a murder mystery party. And the last time I watched “Murder… Read more

Today is Hazel’s birthday. It is December 12th, the day Mexicans show their devotion to the Virgin Mary, known to them as La Virgen de Guadalupe. Pilgrimages, parades, and dazzling fireworks are broadcast live throughout the country. Up until this moment, I was too chicken to say that I pray to Guadalupe because it sounds like I am saying I pray to guacamole. I also thought my intellectual friends would smile politely, but never speak… Read more

Today I danced behind a tiny nun and a married couple in their eighties, wearing matching tank tops. Real people, not costumes. How did I get here? The other day I confessed to my friend Lisa that I wanted to beat holiday stress, and my tension around budget meetings with my husband, plus upcoming doctor appointments. She suggested I dance. I have always loved dancing. When I was in my twenties and thirties and someone… Read more

Recently, some of my friends with older children were lamenting that the days of trick-or-treating are over for them. But why? Does it have to end when you turn a certain age? My friend Deb doesn’t think so. Last year, she put on a wolf mask and a fake fur coat and went out on Halloween. “When you’re 5’2,” she told me, “you can trick-or-treat forever.” I love Halloween. But my appreciation for it really… Read more

Susie: In the summer of 2016, when I received some horrible news about my health, I sent my family camping and sat on my bed for two days, spinning in thoughts of despair and sorrow. “I’m going to die and never see my children grow up. I’ll never write a book. We’ll go broke.” After 48 hours of fighting like Muhammad Ali against my diagnosis, I did something radical. I asked, “What if I accept… Read more

I post these entries as a form of thank you; your words have nourished me. May mine give you back some of that love. In my life, I choose expression over rumination and worry. These 30 days mark a significant time for which I am grateful: before and after the multiple surgeries to remove a skull-base tumor. These musings are intended to honor the end of that time and the beginning of a second phase:… Read more

I was off-balance all week. I celebrated the elegant evenness of the equinox by throwing up all over a neighbor’s garden. The nausea was caused by the radiation, but the feeling of being off-balance was caused by my expectations that it was going to be different. I imagined that I would spend eight weeks in Boston receiving treatments, yes, but also going for long walks and scribbling deep thoughts in my journal. I thought maybe… Read more

The Days of Awe are the ten days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. The idea is to stop, look around, and reflect. What do you want to let go of from last year? Who do you want to be in the New Year? I am not Jewish. Some of my former students call me Jew- “ish” because I like the traditions and ceremonies. As a teacher, it makes sense to me to celebrate the New… Read more

I have been having a tough time trusting in the unknown. A vacation broke me of that fear. This is the story of how our recent trip to Mexico had no plan. Normally, Kurt and I work full time and the only difference between summer and not summer is the kids are not awake before we go to work. This year was different. It felt important to do something together as a family to mark… Read more

Let me tell you about my Dad. I always thought he looked like Steve Austin, “The Six-Million Dollar Man.” Remember the show? He was the handsome pilot rescued from a plane crash and re-built with a bionic eye that was like a 20:1 zoom lens, one bionic arm, and two bionic legs. I was sure that my Dad had similar powers. I had a healthy fear of him, born from his ability to spot Bigfoot… Read more

When I was younger, I wanted a mother who was sweet and nurturing, who baked cookies, and who welcomed my friends with cheerful holiday decorations. What I got was a mother who raised us well, but without softness, and who baked so rarely that she kept a heavy chair in front of our oven door. On Halloween, she turned off the lights and left a bowl of toothbrushes on the front step. At Christmas, she… Read more

Recently, I woke up full of rage and I had no idea what to do with it. I angry-cleaned the coffee grounds out of the sink. (Angry-cleaning. Verb. To make loud, banging noises and grumble bad words under your breath while scrubbing or vacuuming or generally tidying up.) I yelled at our son to get out of the bathroom so I could get in. Then I sulked around my husband because he didn’t understand a… Read more

(Scroll down for great resources.) The photos of the march in New Delhi, India hit me the most. Thousands of women, inspired by the March on Washington, flooded the streets, holding signs that said, “I will go out!” They were demanding safe public spaces. They wanted to walk home without being harassed or raped. Courage is contagious. A woman using her voice to stand up for what she believes inspires countless women to use their… Read more

A nap is a thing of beauty. World peace is within reach. All we have to do is nap. It’s the most underused, powerful tool for self-care and work productivity. There’s science behind this. My doctors told me that short naps, between ten and twenty minutes, do more for lessening anxiety and improving focus than caffeine or even adding an hour of sleep at night. Increasingly, companies are creating special napping areas to give their… Read more

I had my first voice lesson on Friday. My teacher was trained as an opera singer, then lost her voice, and her career. “I learned a lot from my training, but I learned more from having to find my voice again,” she told me. We sat in her small office downtown. There wasn’t much in the room except for a piano and a giant jungle gym for cats. Her cat couldn’t have cared less about… Read more

Last week I learned I have a tumor at the base of my skull that is slowly taking over my brain stem. “First, your tongue will go numb. Then you’ll lose your voice,” said my doctor in the same matter-of-fact tone that he might have said, “First your appetizer will arrive. Then you’ll get your salad.” At 45 years old, I was, up until this moment, medically “boring.” No health or genetic history of any… Read more

Tuesday at Mass General hospital in Boston was supposed to be a long day, but an easy one. All I had to do was have pictures taken of how things looked inside my skull and neck with a CT scan and an MRI, nothing I hadn’t done at least several times before. In fact, the night before when I struggled to get a good night’s sleep I thought, “It’s Ok, I can nap inside the… Read more

So begins a poem by Theodore Roethke (pr. Ret-ke) that I used to teach. In a simple classroom on a farm in Vermont, we sat around a large maple table, reading the lines out loud together. We did this on the anniversary of 9-11. We pulled out the poem again when one of my students was paralyzed in a bike accident, and again when a faculty member’s brother died. It was a tradition born in… Read more

“You know what I think when I see a muslim man in the airport?” my husband Kurt asked me as we waited in the security line at the Phoenix airport. “What?” I looked around nervously, wondering where this might be going. “Neurosurgeon,” Kurt said, and smiled. Kurt and I have spent the last two weeks in airports and in doctors offices across the country. When I first received my diagnosis of a skull-base tumor, I… Read more